Standing in the gap: resources for grandparents raising grandkids

LEXINGTON, Ky. (WTVQ)-We know Kentucky is part of the drug epidemic killing thousands across the country, but sometimes it’s hard to visualize its far-reaching impact.

On Thursday, hundreds of people intimately familiar with that impact will gather in Lexington for a conference.

It’s dedicated to grandparents and other relatives serving as parents for Kentucky kids, many whose birth parents have chosen drugs over them.

The zoo is what the Flynn family in Lexington lovingly calls their home. When ABC 36’s Veronica Jean Seltzer visited, the four elementary school students were getting ready for a field trip.

As they waited for the bus, all the kids on the block congregated around the Flynns. It makes sense; they have been there almost 30 years.

After the bus, there was one more kid to drop at school. The eldest, Willa, is a junior at Lafayette.

“What is it like having a high schooler?” VJ asked.

“It’s a lot different than the first time around,” Flynn said.

The first time around was decades ago. Sandy, 64, and her husband 74-year-old Mike are nanny and poppy now, raising five of their grandkids.

“Twins on the bottom. Sara’s on top. And then Dallas is over here. We made him a room,” Sandy said, showing VJ around the house.

Sandy and Mike were retired, getting ready to sell their home and move to Florida, when they got the call.

Sandy’s daughter had given birth to twins, born addicted to drugs.

“We were kind of just in shock for the first year,” Sandy said.

It took 18 months to wean Morgan and Megan off drugs.

“The twins didn’t cry. They didn’t make any noise. They just jerked so we’d sit here at night and watch them jerk and just cry,” Sandy said.

Dad was often in jail. Mom disappeared.

“She would have had plenty of support to be here with the kids. We would have done anything in the world, but the drug was more important than the children,” Sandy said.

An estimated $3,000,000 kids in america are being raised by someone other than mom or dad. In Kentucky, that number is more than 68,000.

There are lasting physical and emotional impacts.

“They’re always gonna feel like they could’ve done something a little different and i think they always have that need that somebody should’ve hugged them,” Sandy said.

It’s hard. There’s a lot to pay for and grandparents don’t get a stipend like foster parents do.

The Flynns say at first it was hard to know how to handle this new life. More than a decade ago, the Fayette County Extension Office anticipated that.

“We laugh a lot, but we cry also,” Extension Agent Diana Doggett said.

Once a month the chairs in one of the office’s rooms are filled with grandparents and other relatives looking for support.

“It’s just pretty amazing these individuals, these family members the distance they’re willing to go,” Doggett said.

Doggett says increasingly those people are filling a gap for children in the family because parents have become hooked on drugs. Doggett says her colleagues started gathering resources and holding workshops.

That turned into the GAP Conference, grandparents acting as parents, filling the gap in children’s lives.

“With all the issues they’re facing and you’re there. You’re the bridge,” Doggett said.

She says the conference is now known as the premiere state conference on these issues. This year’s meeting will feature free legal consults, a workshop on drugs, and tips for families with an autistic child.

Sandy goes. She says before she did, she didn’t even know what help she needed to ask for.

“There’s just endless resources there. I mean it’s wonderful and it’s just $5,” Sandy said.

The conference is Thursday at the Clarion Hotel on Newtown Pike. You can find more information and resources here. 

Call the extension office to register (859) 257-5582